Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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