That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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