Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
