If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
