There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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