You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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