When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
