There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
