i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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