I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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