i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
