I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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