new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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