before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
