I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
