You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I supernannyed him into submission
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
