I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
