They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
