You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
