Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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