dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
