I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
