sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
