Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
