you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
