Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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