I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ttyl tear gas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
