I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
