Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
