Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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