so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
