I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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