Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
