Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
