watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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