the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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