i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
