i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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