Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
