i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Such a big mess for such a small penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
