I just saw a hot homeless man
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
