Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
