So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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