She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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