He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
vagina is talking i cant
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
