a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why didn't you poke me back
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
