I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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