You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
