Non-Jews are for practice
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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