By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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