Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
