So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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